There are, to date, 28 Ironman Events around the world. Some are part of the 70.3 Series (AKA Half-Ironman. Marketing is something, isn’t it?) and the rest Full Distance Ironman Races. The race, like usual Triathlons, consists of the three – Swimming, Cycling and Running. Let’s let the pictures do the talking:

As you can see here, early in the morning people tend to behave in strange ways. Minutes before throwing themselves one on top of the other like fish in a net, they find time to dance. Actually, judging by the way they seem to move, individual sport was a wise choice.

As foretold. Sardines. This is the only time one is able to swim in “Floors”. And you’ll always find yourself in a middle floor for some reason. You won’t be actually pushing water – you pull on other people’s suits. It’s actually a good idea to find some strong athlete right after the start and hold to their ankle throughout the swim. They won’t notice. Trust the experienced.

This is the bike transition area. This is where you leave your bike, shoes and the rest of the gear.

Once finished with the swim, you’ll be pulled out of the water by volunteers, washed and helped out of the suit.

You’re then aided getting dressed and applied creams more common in certain clubs in San Francisco. You’ll find yourself in the same tent, naked, with other men and women. And trust me – some of the sights there are not for the faint hearted.

The bike bags (Running bags look the same. Only by the time you’ll be getting there, the rack might look a bit different – almost empty, that is).

The Nice Ironman is considered to be somewhat of a challenge. And no. Not because it’s hard concentrating in riding and running along the Riviera’s beaches. It’s the hills.

Small hills.

Tiny.

120km of tiny hills (followed by 60km of Wooooohhhha!). Some still wake up in the middle of the night, hands shaking, searching for an easier gear.

That’s the right angle of the course. But make no mistake – the view is SPECTACULAR! No less. Not that you’ll have a chance of seeing it, due to the blackout you’ll be fighting caused by lack of oxygen.

Some say Ironman is not an event of endurance or strength, but of the ability to eat. And drink. It’s not trivial, but the trick is stuffing yourself with liquids, gels and bars.

Another thing many don’t like speaking of is the fact that yes – when you drink sometimes you have to “free” yourself from excessive fluids. And no. Stopping is not a good idea (pace and stuff). So you just go.

Only liquids dude! What did you think?! Ohhh!

It’s not so bad, but it sure feels funny, (“stays” in your shoes, for example), and you don’t want to talk about it later, so don’t ask!

In this picture you can see a pair of bike that was guarded at the transition area by two ill-tempered-ex-KGB-looking blokes. The effort on the rider’s face is caused by forces better known to fighter pilots as “G”.

This is the run. Don’t feel bad if this is the point of view you see the course. It’s very natural, at this stage of the race.

Some events give colored bands for each lap you finish in the Marathon. A universal rule says the runners around you will always have more bands than you, no matter what stage of the run you’re at. Same rule applies at the last lap as well, when you don’t see anything.

Here’s an answer if you were wondering how come all finishers are sticky and smell funny (no, it’s not because of what was written above! We agreed not to talk about it, didn’t we?!).

In France, no matter what you’re doing on the Riviera, you’re expected to dress fashionably.

If you’re not a pro, and only do the Ironman for the sake of finishing, you can always feel comfortable with knowing the guy arriving first is younger. That’s why he’s there and you have only one band on your hand. The participant’s band. You’re still on the bike.

If you’re planning on doing the Nice Ironman, a result like this would be very discouraging. There’s a time limit (Cut Off) of 16 hours (17 in some Ironman events), and those finishing later will have to do it all over again. Not immediately, that is.

There are two types of Non-Pro-Long-Distance-Triathlets. The one that groups, and the one that doesn’t group. The first is by far larger. For a very clear reason, one of the longest “lonesome” events is trained for as if it was a team sport. There’s something in suffering together, encouraging each other to wake up early on weekends (and making fun of those who don’t manage) that makes these months more tolerable. But on top of it all there’s belonging.

Every sport in which you require gear is turned almost instantly into a fashion show. From comparing bike (Hence the title. Explained in details here), to wearing a huge digital wrist watch with a suit. And tie. To board meetings. There’s something of a religion in it, and religion makes people feel they belong.

You’ll be able to find many Ironman finishers having the logo of the event tattooed on their leg (following the Swiss event, for example, witnesses testify seeing a very long queue outside the tattoo parlor), you’ll find jewelry with the logo, and no need to mention the T-Shirts, Cups, Shorts, Key Rings and so on. Sounds familiar? No need to be alarmed. As long as they don’t have a book (or magazine, for that matter) they swear in, we’re safe. A slight alarming sign is rumors of the appearance of a Messiah. Gordo. Be advised.

Oh. And here’s the best part. Ever tried talking to an Ironman aspiring/finisher on a casual chit-chat? Even a conversation about Almodovar’s recent film will turn in no longer than 4:34min (last 10km Time Trial pace) to training methodology and nutrition.

I have news for you. Triathlon is the most expensive sport you can find. Maybe after Yachting. And Formula One. And… well… Golf. But it’s still very expensive!

We’ll start with the most important equipment:

I know. You thought more like the bike (see entry), or the running shoes (see entry as well), but trust me – you’ll be thanking every second out of the three hours on the Trainer (yup. see entry), watching movies, instead of gazing at the drops of sweat accumulating to a small swimming pool under the bike. You can always watch TV, but do go to this page and read it again….

1. Bike. The most expensive piece of equipment you’ll need, and for a reason! If you buy the best pair available, you’ll be able to cut something like and incredible 0.5 seconds off your total 180km cycling time! Now that’s money well spent! But let’s not kid ourselves. We don’t buy expensive bike in order cut time off our result. We have a much more important reason for that – SHOW OFF! And for that reason, we have models like this:

Oops. Sorry about that. Here’s the right picture:

Allow me to go into details:

Carbon.

That’s the only word you’ll need to know when talking to a fellow Triathlete. The Frame, the first and foremost important part of you bike (since it contains the largest amount of visible Carbon, Silly!), is not the same as the ones used in the Tour De France (or any other standard road race). It does not comply with the rules and regulations of the federation (any federation) for angels, lines and tubes.

This is of course only one shape (and no, Cervelo do not pay me. Yet). But more important – there are other colors as well! The second most important thing is the wheels.

Your going to need three pair at least. One – for training on the trainer. That one can be old and rusty. Second – for every day training. Should be reasonable and strong. And than – you’ll need the ultralight, super fast visibly branded competition set. Note: the above Zipp set is perfect for your needs. You can always say “We were surprised by the side-draft on the mountains causing us to minutes because of the rear disc!”. Just for general knowledge, the disk is $1,475. The front $877. But wait one second. There is more. If you really want to take time of your results, check this out:

You must be saying to yourself “That’s very nice. They’re black and have ‘Lightweight’ written on them”. Aha. And they come with a tag of $5,495. For such a small logo! The nerve some people have!

Let’s move one.

This is the Dura Ave gear, shift, brakes leavers and other Bells and Whistles. I talked to many people. They all had the same explanation to why buying it as they had to why cyclist shave their legs: “Ah…. Because it makes you faster, I guess”. $1,305, if you were wondering.

This is the bike pedal. You can attach your shoe to it. $214.

This is a Saddle (AKA Sit). You put your, ah, you know, on it. $284.95 (Note the 95). And yes. It will go numb
.

This is a Stem. It holds the Bar ($599.95) to the Fork ($399.95, but you must have got it with the frame). It’s made of Carbon. It’s $199.95.

This is a bottle cage. You put your water bottle in it, or better still, your Sports Drink (read here). Carbon. $84.95. You’ll need two.

This is an Aerobar. What it does is allow you to relax on your bar, even nap, while zooming down hills at 85km/h (Naturally, because of all the draft, you’d be doing 14km/h without it). It comes as part of the bike if you have the right design (Tribike) or, if you’re among the common, you’d be mounting it to your usual bar, you peasant. Carbon. $159.95.

These are Bar End Plugs. You wrap your bar with this type, so your hands won’t slip and for cushioning, and than you close the end with the plugs. Carbon Ones. $9.95. Naturally – a must.

It goes on and on. You can get a very (very) reasonable bike for just $3,000, all inclusive. But you’re going to be looked down at. Not because others will think less of you. It’s their bike. They’re so light, they’ll be floating above.

2. Cloths. Cycling cloths is made of training cloths and competition. The later is simple. A Trisuit.

In Training you’ll need somewhat more of a variety. Pants, Shorts, Socks, HeadSweats, Gloves. And during winter, it’s all over again, only three times more expensive, and you’re going to look somewhat like this:

3. Shoes. Simple. For running:

And for cycling:

And you guessed right. The sole is made of Carbon. By the way, the above running shoes picture is showing training shoes. You might want to buy also lighter ones for the competition. Guess how much they can get of the Marathon you’re going to run following the 180km cycling? Important, ha?

4. Swimming Gear. Very very simple. Swimsuit and Goggles. I’m sure you get the picture, so allow me to leave the pictures out. On race day, though, and if you’re training in cold water as well, you’ll be needing a full Tri Wetsuit.

Thank you for asking. $264.95 (Mid range).

5. Computer Power. There’s a variety of information crucial to measure (see the training section for uses). That includes (partial list): Time (Da!), Distance, Speed, Average Speed, Pace, Temperature, Altitude, Meters/Feet Climbed, Cadence, Watts, Heart Rate, Calories, VO2max, Humidity, Wind and Sea Currents. For all those very impotent needs, and in order for you to be able to come home and upload all this data to your home PC for further analysis, we have the following:

(Yap! Carbon!). This baby can measure almost anything you want, with the aid of this little shoe gizmo:

And a few straps.

But, if you want to be really in the happening, you’re gonna want this:

This baby only looks like a watch, but the name Garmin hints on what’s hidden under the hood. We’re talking of a real, functioning, sports oriented – GPS! Now get this – you can get everything out of it – speed, altitude, distance, climb, location (You didn’t expect this, in a GPS, did you?), and yes. It comes with a Heart Rate Monitor as well. You can even upload (using this site) your exercise data and view your run/cycle (or even swim for the real crazy dudes among us) on Google Earth! Your only worry, if you plan on competing with it, is that the battery lasts for only 10 hours between charges. Here’s a reason for buying these bike!

6. Little Things. And yes. You’re going to need all of them.

That’s the Trainer we mentioned before. You attach your bike to it and ride at home. A lot of fun. Not. But if you listened to me, and arranged for Item No. 1, you’ll be able to replace Time Out New York Movie Critic by the end of the year, but you’ll be sane. And that’s not trivial.

Guess what all the above is used for? Yup. A lot of fun. Specially when you’re 85km into your Go-and-Return bike training, and you find out you forgot the new CO2 repair kit at home.

Bin Bag. Used for carrying food (see Food section). Can comfortably carry all picnic needs, for two. Including two Champaign glasses.

Championchip ankle band. Small, but will count for a lot, when you forget it at home and are being cut to the bone by the one supplied by race organizers. The Championchip, by the way, looks like this:

And is used for timing and counter forgeries.

This beauty is called Fuel Belt. You carry water in it, yes? No Vodka! Mainly used for training, but some competitors have seen too many movies and don’t trust the aid stations to supply non-poisoned liquids.

Race Belt. You attach your number to it and so you can wear it quickly when you transit to the bike, and bring it to the front when running. Well, it’s not like you don’t get two sets of numbers the night before, with safety pins and all, but it’s much cooler using the belt. And hey, it has those little bands for gels! Cool!

That’s about it. Bringing new meaning to “Traveling Light” when competing overseas.

It’s a tough one.

If you ask Me the answer is very simple. Eat what ever you want, as long as it’s healthy food.

But I’m a prosecuted minority. If you ask the majority, it’s a story of Carbs, Proteins and Magnesium taken through your nostrils. I don’t know if you should go to a sports nutritionist or build your own diet. It’s supposed to be your building bricks for the body, and since I haven’t consulted any professional, I wouldn’t know what to suggest. What I can do, is tell you about some of my experience with food during training.

The one and only. Banana. The Yellow Energy Bomb. It gives you everything you need, so they say. The only problem with it is that it doesn’t come in a shiny branded package. Not very sexy to show off with a banana on your favorite bike training ground. For that reason, allow me to present the following conversation stimulating foods.

1. Gels. A gooie gel you suck on during training. It’s too sweet, too thick to swallow and makes some people through up. I loved it. Had no problem consuming it during cycling and running (practiced more during the former), and didn’t really care for any of the tastes. The first time I had one, I could actually feel the boost it’s supposed to give you. Maybe it was my imagination. Later on it only quieted my hunger.

2. Power Bars. There are many kinds and brands of bars. You can find bars for before, during and after training. If you look hard enough, I’m sure you’ll even manage finding bars to eat during your sleep.

I had these bars both during cycling and for breakfast. I found it great as a gel replacement (liking them as much as you might, try having them over and over for more than a few weeks, and tell me what you think….). you’ll be surprised how stuffed these things are. There’s another type, I liked very much having only as breakfast (quick and easy on the stomach, before the run and/or cycle and/or swim). It’s called Cliff Bar, and I found it only in the US. Making it a bit of a problem for you non US folks.

3. Electrolyte Replacements. Are meant to be taken during long training, specially in hot weather, to replace the minerals lost via sweat. If you don’t, you’ll get cramps. The thing is, you can get these elusive Electrolytes from other sources. Try bananas, or Sports Drinks. They work for me just fine, and I never had the nerves taking these pills. I heard stories. Brrr….

4. Sports Drinks. They say many are just colored water. I can go into what they’re supposed to give your body and how much (Carbs and stuff), but you can find out by reading the back of the packs in the store. What I can tell you, is that I liked the Hammer Heed. It’s less sweet than the rest, and that, to me, is a plus. Others hated it. Try for yourself, and make sure you don’t do that trial during a major competition.

I’m willing to bet that no one, and I mean no one, including coach Gordo, knows what “Zone 5a LT bold pulse” and “VO2max Intervals” are.

It’s all a big myth. Someone made up these terms as a joke 20 years ago, and ever since no one had the courage calling the king naked.

That said, it will still be raining Carbon when an Ironman aspiring athlete will answer the question: “Do you agree with the Borg Scale? I don’t think Anaerobic Endurance is reached at RPE 15″ with a decisive “HA?!”. More likely the answer will be: “Depending if your endurance percentage of CP30 is closer to 67″.

If you’re a beginner, and not a member of a team, it will be tough understanding from the material you find in books and on the web, as in this site (where the above graph originates from), what you should do. It’s also very depressing doing all these 15X800m exercises. Running and cycling “Hard” is no fun. And there’s enough “No Fun” in this whole adventure….

So what to do? Do the mileage. Build a 4 by 4 week program (hinted at the graph above), as long before the race as you can plan (if you’re already participating at Olympic distance Triathlons, one year should be enough), and increase millage gradually over the weeks (4 weeks up, one rest, 4 up, one rest and so on).

And do the following:

1. Finish one Marathon and one Half Distance Ironman during the year before the main event. Make sure they’re not falling both on the week prior the Ironman….

2. Consult a professional coach. If you don’t want to join a team (which can be understood if you don’t have a full Carbon air pump for the bike. See gear section for details), at least have a pro build the training schedule for you, according to your level of fitness, time and goals. The reason for that is that the last thing you want is hurt yourself, especially two weeks before the race you divorced your wife and neglected your children for.

3. Listen to your body. Over-Training is a very common mistake, which cost is dear. Nothing will happen if one Sunday you don’t ride the bike and sleep late (as long as you don’t make it a habit). Sleeping, by the way, is as important as training. Better sleep at least 7 hours every night, you hear?

4. Have fun. Oh. You’re planning on doing an Ironman? Sorry. Forget that last remark.

“Easy for you. You don’t have kids”. Or friends. Or a life, for that matter.

True. It takes time. But that will not hold in court for a reason not to do it. I know a guy, 40 something, VP in a bank, black belt in Karate (+ couching twice a week), 3 kids, a wife and a hobby of doing one extreme event every year. That includes one special Sahara Marathon (please note – this is not a “usual” 42km marathon…), a 10:30 hours Ironman (check for yourself how easy that is), the Eco Challenge in NZ, and so on. You get the picture. How does he do it? He wakes up one hour earlier. Kidding. That won’t be enough. I’ll assume you don’t want to give up on everything dear to you (like Alcohol, Fried Food and Smoking), and that you need another 3 to 4 hours every day for training (Weekend’s a deferent story. We’ll get to that later). So here’s how you can manage:

1. No more TV.That’s right. Zero. Gurnisht. Nada. that will free something between 2 to 6 hours (in my case) every day. It will be hard in the beginning, you’ll feel the need crawling in your veins, you’ll see moving pictures in front of your eyes when you close them at night (mostly commercials for car dealers) but after the rehab is done, you’ll have more free time every day.

2. Plan Plan Plan. When are you going to train? When are you going to play with your kids? When are you going to date women (not recommended if the above kids are related to a wife)? You’re going to have to plan your day better in order to gain time for training. And I’ll give you an example:

Training in the evening is a problem for the average busy Joe. Why that? Because of food. When do you eat dinner when you work and have to train (for three hours)? you work till 18:00 or 19:00 (let’s say), and by than you’re hungry, right? No way you can train till 21:00-22:00 with no food. So you eat a bit before, like around 17:00. Ahhhh. Your stomach’s to heavy for running.

So what do you do? Go to bed at 21:30. Wake up at 04:30 and do ALL your training in the morning. OR split your training between morning and evening (which is much harder if you ask me, since all day you’re thinking of the hell still waiting for you in the evening. Training in the morning is good since by the time you really wake up, you’re already done!).

3. Free Free Days. You’re not supposed to train every day, and you don’t have to wake up so early on the weekend, so the evening before (these glory days), you can PARTY! That is eat out, see a movie, help with the kids (or whatever one does with them. I still have non. At least not one’s I’m willing to acknowledge). Make these evenings Useful, so you can use the rest of the week for more meaningful activities, like running around the park 37 times.

The First Question you’ll be getting from everybody around you will be “WHY?!” (or in the more common form: “Why, in the name of the Lord?!”). The answer is very simple – Because it’s there. If you’re thinking of participating in this competition, most likely you’re already doing one, if not more, of the three (swim, bike, run), and even done some Olympic Distance Triathlons. And listen to this (but share with no one!) – It’s No Big Deal!

There can be a few other reasons:

1. Because it’s the most difficult physical event known to man (which will make you oh so tough and strong in the eyes of everyone you know). To that, I have bad news. IT’S NOT. To every crazy event like the Ironman there’s an even more crazy one, someone (mostly German, no offense) invented. And you’re going to hear about it only after you’ve gone into training to the “Most Challenging Sporting Event in the World!”. Here’s a few:

Ultraman – 10Km of swimming, 421Km(!!) of cross-country bike ride and 84Km of running, making this a “Stroll in the park” event. All of a sudden the Ironman looks like warm-up training, don’t you think? Oh yes. There’s this Triple Ironman, too (no typing error. Triple).

24 Hour Races (here as well) – Yap. Where you run and run for 24 hours non-stop. The winner is the one covering the longest distance (Ambulance rides don’t count). And yes. In case you were wondering, there’s a 48 hours race as well, for those of you not getting out of bed for less. It’s called Multi day races and you can even find longer ones, if you need yet more motivation to start training (check out this Wiki for more info).

2. Why Not? Now that’s the right reason if you ask me. It’s a challenge, and training for it is fun (Right), so why not? You’ll be saying: I am running, and cycling and swimming already, and have all the time in the world for training, loads of money for the gear and the most supportive and understanding family, so why not?